*some of this is a little graphic
Most of you know that Eric and I were expecting our second child in April and a few less of you know that we lost the baby this past week. I thought it might be easier if I let people read about it here instead of telling the story a million times so I don't burst into tears every time.
First let me start off by saying I did not ever expect to have a miscarriage. I didn't even know of any body that had miscarried so it just wasn't even on my radar. I am healthy, we already have a child and I was sicker than a dog (which people say is a good sign of a healthy pregnancy.)
Things started to go down hill on our last two days of our trip to San Fransisco. (I plan on blogging about that later.) I got really really sick on Sunday and I couldn't keep anything down for a while. On Thursday I developed a fever and read online how that can endanger a pregnancy in the first trimester. Of course I freaked out and called Eric. He left work early and took me to the ER.
They gave me fluids and some stronger meds (I had Zofran from the day before that weren't doing a thing) and they took my blood and ran some tests. They said that I did have a virus but because I didn't have any lower abdominal pain that the baby was probably just fine. I relaxed and went home and started to recover.
Then on Labor Day I was at Eric's grandparents and had some slight spotting. I freaked out even though I knew that lots of women spot and it might not mean anything. Then that night I started cramping. At that point I knew I didn't have a big chance of carrying this baby. I went to see my doctor for an ultrasound on Tuesday morning.
Dr. McCarter did his best to find a heart beat and I'm sure he looked longer than was necessary but it just wasn't there. We did get to see him on the screen and he had a head, arms, and legs. I wanted him. I didn't know miscarriage really felt like losing a baby. But it does. I'm so grateful I had Eric with me. He had his hand on my head, and even though he wasn't giving me a blessing, I felt his priesthood power comforting me. Dr. McCarter let me know that losing the baby was in no way my fault. It couldn't have been prevented and my sickness the week before probably didn't even effect it. It was comforting to know at least I couldn't blame myself because that was my first reaction.
The Dr gave us some time to regain our composure and then came back to give me some options. I could go through with natural miscarriage and he could give me some pain meds, or I could do D&C and they would clean me out. The idea of vacuuming out my baby made me want to hurl (that is not to judge anyone who has gone that route. Emotionally it can be a lot easier than waiting for your body to recognize that the baby has died. It's probably easier physically too, I found out.)
I might have more seriously considered that option if I had known how incredibly painful it is to go through a miscarriage. I've been told it is similar to labor because your body is getting ready to push out a baby. I had very painful and intense contractions for two hours on Wednesday about every 30 seconds. Those pain meds barely took the edge off. I didn't realize they were contractions so it took me a while to figure out that I needed to try to relax and breath through them. That helped. I delivered what I think was the baby that day and Thursday I was still having contractions that I had to breath through. I delivered the placenta on Friday morning and I've been just fine since except for minor cramping similar to a very heavy menstrual cycle.
Emotionally, I think I'm pretty much back to normal except when I think or talk about it too much. I know I will get to raise that baby some day I'm grateful for the experience for a few reasons. The first was that it brought Eric and I closer together as we leaned on each other for support. I also know how loved we are by family and friends from all the help and support we received. We received meals, plants, flowers, service, baby sitting, hugs, phone calls and love from so many people and we feel truly blessed that have such a great support. I'm also so grateful that we were married in the Temple and that families are forever. I appreciate Mabel more than ever and I look forward to expanding our family in the future.
Anyway, thank you to everyone that has been there for us. We truly love you and I hope to be able to serve all of you.
Love Katie
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Saturday, May 26, 2012
The Next Inning
I've been reading a few things that have convinced me that people should only eat meat "in times of famine or winter" D&C 89. I've decided that for me, that means unless I'm starving or have no other option, I shouldn't eat meat. I also learned more about the China Study and I'm reading a book called "Skinny B****." (Please note, this book is very informative but pushes for a vegan lifestyle and has more cursing in a book than I've ever seen.)
I've been "flexitarian" for about a week and a half. That is a term I got from my friend Lynda. :) It means, I will avoid eating meat whenever possible. I am feeling so much better! I'm eating way more fruits and vegetables (hence my basket) and I don't have tummy and digestive issues anymore either. I have cut back on dairy but I'm not going to stop eating it.
Please note, I am not going to push my new eating habits on anyone (Hello, I live with Eric.) and Mabel will continue to eat meat when Eric is watching her but I feel like this is the way my body was made to digest. I very much believe in what I'm doing and I don't take it lightly. I will be careful to get the nutrients I need and I will continue to exercise.
Now to the part you all care about! My Mabel is still as fantastically cute as ever! She has a new cape I made for her out of an old t-shirt. (Thank you for the idea Brit and Kam!) She loves it!
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| It's super girl! A little blurry. She wouldn't hold still. |
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| Her favorite place to play. |
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| She won the raffle at my work party. |
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| Her first movie. The Avengers. She made it about an hour. |
Also, I have read the first 4 books in the Mortal Instruments Series in the past two weeks. Fun read for sure if you are looking for some "mind candy" as my sister Kim calls it. :)
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Do over
I've been feeling pretty baby hungry lately. My sister-in-law just had my cute little baby niece and she is such a doll!
I was thinking more about Mabel's birth and I feel kind of out of the mommy loop because I was never actually in labor. I have no idea what a real contraction feels like and I wasn't even awake to hear her first cry. I wasn't the first to hold her and I wasn't even the second or third. I sent Eric into the special care nursery with a camera after she was 12 hours old and asked him to take a picture so I could see what she looked like. She was hooked up to monitors and I was still too sick to move.
At the time, everything was so scary and crazy that I didn't mind all this. I remember my midwife asking if I was okay because a lot of mothers feel cheated and sad when things don't go as planned. At the time, I was just so relieved that we got her out in time and that I didn't have to be in labor that I had no problem assuring the midwife that I was perfectly fine about it. And I was.
Now I feel a little a sad about it. For our next baby, I want to be awake and I want that moment where they hand you the baby and your husband takes the pictures and you look absolutely terrible but so happy to be holding your newborn. I want him/her to be in the little basket next to my bed. I do not want my baby hooked up to IVs and monitors. I don't want to be so drugged that I can't remember what anyone is saying to me.
All things considered, I'm still very incredibly grateful for modern medicine and the people who got Mabel get here safely and I know I was lucky. She was 4 weeks early and didn't have any problems and I recovered quickly as well.
Eric and I are thinking more seriously about expanding our little family in the near future and I'm scared. Scared things will go wrong again and we won't be so lucky but I'm hoping and praying that our next miracle will come to us without any more problems.
I was thinking more about Mabel's birth and I feel kind of out of the mommy loop because I was never actually in labor. I have no idea what a real contraction feels like and I wasn't even awake to hear her first cry. I wasn't the first to hold her and I wasn't even the second or third. I sent Eric into the special care nursery with a camera after she was 12 hours old and asked him to take a picture so I could see what she looked like. She was hooked up to monitors and I was still too sick to move.
At the time, everything was so scary and crazy that I didn't mind all this. I remember my midwife asking if I was okay because a lot of mothers feel cheated and sad when things don't go as planned. At the time, I was just so relieved that we got her out in time and that I didn't have to be in labor that I had no problem assuring the midwife that I was perfectly fine about it. And I was.
Now I feel a little a sad about it. For our next baby, I want to be awake and I want that moment where they hand you the baby and your husband takes the pictures and you look absolutely terrible but so happy to be holding your newborn. I want him/her to be in the little basket next to my bed. I do not want my baby hooked up to IVs and monitors. I don't want to be so drugged that I can't remember what anyone is saying to me.
All things considered, I'm still very incredibly grateful for modern medicine and the people who got Mabel get here safely and I know I was lucky. She was 4 weeks early and didn't have any problems and I recovered quickly as well.
Eric and I are thinking more seriously about expanding our little family in the near future and I'm scared. Scared things will go wrong again and we won't be so lucky but I'm hoping and praying that our next miracle will come to us without any more problems.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Personality
I took a personality quiz at work to see what kind of jobs I'm most suited for. Once again, military service was one of the highest! I also got personal assistant, broadcast reporter, travel agent, wedding planner, inn keeper (totally my favorite) among other jobs. Here are my results:
"Gracious, amiable, affirming, gentle, giving, warm, genuine, cordial, kindly, caring, concerned, dutiful, reliable, punctual, polite, tactful, socially appropriate, thoughtful, self-sacrificing, nurturing, people-pleasing, goal-oriented, helpful, cooperative, consistent, extremely loyal, traditional, rule-bound, uncomplicated. Confident with people, perfectly in tune with others' needs and sensitive to nuances, they are the world's natural hosts and hostesses, efficient managers, event planners. Their presence contributes graciousness, harmony, fraternity, and fellowship to whatever they are engaged in. Both female and male ESFJs relate with people in a way that combines warmhearted "mothering" and caring, considerate "inn keeping". So eager are they to please that they put others' needs before their own, ignoring their personal well-being as they care for the people most important to them. They seek harmony, avoid conflict, follow the rules, keep their commitments, and ignore problems by pretending they do not exist. Sensitive to criticism. Need appreciation and praise. Particularly concerned with etiquette, should and shouldn't. Family and home are often their central passion; can be happily consumed by the details of homemaking and raising kids. Value stability, harmony relationships, and practical, hands-on experience. The day-to-day events in their lives are carefully planned and meticulously managed. At their best in professions that provide helpful, caring, practical service to others and do not require them to learn theories. Pay little attention to information outside their immediate reality, rarely read the newspaper. They are particularly good at planning events, organizing people, and manage the day-to-day aspects of projects that deal producing tangible results. When they learn an effective new method, it becomes standard operating procedure. Their extraordinary effectiveness comes from picking the perfect, tried-and-true procedure from their internal database at exactly the right time.
Shannon high lighted the green parts when she felt like they were particularly spot on for me. Eric agreed that I always put everyone else first and when I got defensive, he pointed out the fact that I don't take criticism well. I thought that was pretty funny.
Mostly, these are my natural tendencies but I believe I can over come some of the more negative ones.
Speaking of personality, I'm not sure my new haircut "is me." But it sure it fast and easy to do in the morning! I'm still getting used to it but Eric LOVES it so that makes it easier. For those of you who haven't seen it:
It's not quite what I wanted. I'm going to grow out the front so it's more of a swoop bang but I'm pretty darn proud of how brave I was.
Also please ignore my face. It's the end of my day after all.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
For Jenn
In response to Jenn's request to read a blog that has not been updated in a while, I decided I would give it a go.
I haven't blogged much in a while for a few reason but I'm not going to get into that today. (I know, aren't you disappointed?)
The biggest thing that has happened since I blogged (besides major holidays and birthdays) was my Grandpa Hanson passing on January 31st. He had had some health problems for a while now and his mind was pretty much gone. I didn't know my Grandpa very well. He was the kind of man the worked very hard and said very little unless is was to explain how something should be done. I wish I could have gotten to know him better but I'm sure he's very happy to be with his parents and his brother. He had a very hard childhood. The funeral was beautiful and it was great to see my relatives that I haven't seen in years.
His passing made me think about the legacy I want to leave behind someday. I think that I want people to remember me as a someone they loved and respected and they knew I loved and respected them. That pretty much sums it up. I now only have one living grandparent, my Grandma Hanson. I think she's doing alright with my Grandpa's passing but I think she'll continue to have bad days for a while. My dad had a hard time too but I think the funeral gave him some good closure. My Dad will leave a great legacy someday.
In other, more trivial news, I lost 11 pounds over the last several months. Then I got tired of tracking and I've plateaued but I am back in to my pre-marriage jeans so that makes me pretty happy. I've made some good changes in my diet and I think I can keep it up but I still LOVE sweets. Keep your mashed potatoes, steak, pasta, bread, and chips. I will take you brownies, candy, cake and all manner of goodies.
My Mabel is still the most beautiful baby girl I've ever seen! Her fine motor skills are advanced but, as before, she is behind in gross motor skills. She's not really walking yet. She takes about 5 steps at a time but her main way to get around is on her knees or crawling. I'm not worried. She'll do it when she's ready. She just started nursery and she didn't even bat an eyelash. She loves it! She did get upset at the end when people wouldn't let her out of the door before I got there. I think that is one of her biggest pet peeves. If a door opens, she wants to go through it! She says a lot of words now and she has a bit of a lisp. It's the cutest thing ever. She will not say "Mama" only "Dada." If you ask her to say "Mama" she says "Dada." She loves bubbles, coloring, baths, and cars. She doesn't really seem to care about dolls or stuffed animals. She also blows kisses and throws her hands in the air and says "Ta doa" (touch down).
And my blog would not be complete with out pictures of Mabel so here she is!
I haven't blogged much in a while for a few reason but I'm not going to get into that today. (I know, aren't you disappointed?)
The biggest thing that has happened since I blogged (besides major holidays and birthdays) was my Grandpa Hanson passing on January 31st. He had had some health problems for a while now and his mind was pretty much gone. I didn't know my Grandpa very well. He was the kind of man the worked very hard and said very little unless is was to explain how something should be done. I wish I could have gotten to know him better but I'm sure he's very happy to be with his parents and his brother. He had a very hard childhood. The funeral was beautiful and it was great to see my relatives that I haven't seen in years.
His passing made me think about the legacy I want to leave behind someday. I think that I want people to remember me as a someone they loved and respected and they knew I loved and respected them. That pretty much sums it up. I now only have one living grandparent, my Grandma Hanson. I think she's doing alright with my Grandpa's passing but I think she'll continue to have bad days for a while. My dad had a hard time too but I think the funeral gave him some good closure. My Dad will leave a great legacy someday.
In other, more trivial news, I lost 11 pounds over the last several months. Then I got tired of tracking and I've plateaued but I am back in to my pre-marriage jeans so that makes me pretty happy. I've made some good changes in my diet and I think I can keep it up but I still LOVE sweets. Keep your mashed potatoes, steak, pasta, bread, and chips. I will take you brownies, candy, cake and all manner of goodies.
My Mabel is still the most beautiful baby girl I've ever seen! Her fine motor skills are advanced but, as before, she is behind in gross motor skills. She's not really walking yet. She takes about 5 steps at a time but her main way to get around is on her knees or crawling. I'm not worried. She'll do it when she's ready. She just started nursery and she didn't even bat an eyelash. She loves it! She did get upset at the end when people wouldn't let her out of the door before I got there. I think that is one of her biggest pet peeves. If a door opens, she wants to go through it! She says a lot of words now and she has a bit of a lisp. It's the cutest thing ever. She will not say "Mama" only "Dada." If you ask her to say "Mama" she says "Dada." She loves bubbles, coloring, baths, and cars. She doesn't really seem to care about dolls or stuffed animals. She also blows kisses and throws her hands in the air and says "Ta doa" (touch down).
And my blog would not be complete with out pictures of Mabel so here she is!
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| Boating in St. George with Sarah and Eric Jackson |
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| In her big girl seat |
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| A bumble bee for Halloween |
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Ode to Mothers
Tomorrow is my first Mother's Day as an actual mother. I'm a bit overwhelmed with gratitude to my Father in Heaven that I was able to carry and give birth to my sweet baby Mabel Mae. I love her more and more every day and I'm so excited to watch her grow.
Being a mother is both more rewarding than I expected, and harder than I expected. I know I was put on this earth to be a mom. There is nothing in this universe that is more important than family. Nobody could ever persuade me to ever think having a big wig job, or a big house or fancy vacations or a billion dollars is better than having a baby throw her arms up and greet you with a huge smile when you walk towards her.
I want to mention my own mom. Kathleen Kae Florence Hanson. She was a wonderful mother to me and I don't think I ever truly appreciated her for it till I had my own baby. And, bless her for it, she was here for me through my complications giving birth to Mae. I don't think she'll ever stop taking care of me as long as she lives but I hope some day I can take care of her.
Mabel is named for my mom's mom. Mabel May Wilkinson Florence. I didn't know my Grandma Florence well as she passed away when I was about 4. But, as I've mentioned before, I feel a strong connection to this woman of faith and love and humor. I can't wait to see her again and I think she probably brought her great granddaughter to me.
My sister Kimberly Kae Hanson Heaton is a fantastic mother and I hope I can emulate her, especially in her patience and creativity. I've never seen anyone so patient with a tantrum throwing baby and I've never seen anyone put so much thought and effort into holidays! She has started so many fun traditions with her children and you should see the pictures of her kids themed birthday parties! More than that, her children know that she loves them more than anything. I want that for my kids. In fact, Mabel actually means "one who is loved."
I've only mentioned 3 mothers in this post but I hope every mother I know feels how much I appreciate them for what they do and what they've been through. (I'm thinking pregnancy and giving birth. Hello!) We need good mothers in this world and I'm happy to think that I know several of them.
We also love the aunts. Oh goodness do we love the aunts. It's amazing how every woman is a mother in her own way and we love them and appreciate them on this day as well.
So here is to the all the women in our lives that have given us love and guidance and good examples of what a virtuous woman is! Happy Mother's Day!
Being a mother is both more rewarding than I expected, and harder than I expected. I know I was put on this earth to be a mom. There is nothing in this universe that is more important than family. Nobody could ever persuade me to ever think having a big wig job, or a big house or fancy vacations or a billion dollars is better than having a baby throw her arms up and greet you with a huge smile when you walk towards her.
I want to mention my own mom. Kathleen Kae Florence Hanson. She was a wonderful mother to me and I don't think I ever truly appreciated her for it till I had my own baby. And, bless her for it, she was here for me through my complications giving birth to Mae. I don't think she'll ever stop taking care of me as long as she lives but I hope some day I can take care of her.
Mabel is named for my mom's mom. Mabel May Wilkinson Florence. I didn't know my Grandma Florence well as she passed away when I was about 4. But, as I've mentioned before, I feel a strong connection to this woman of faith and love and humor. I can't wait to see her again and I think she probably brought her great granddaughter to me.
My sister Kimberly Kae Hanson Heaton is a fantastic mother and I hope I can emulate her, especially in her patience and creativity. I've never seen anyone so patient with a tantrum throwing baby and I've never seen anyone put so much thought and effort into holidays! She has started so many fun traditions with her children and you should see the pictures of her kids themed birthday parties! More than that, her children know that she loves them more than anything. I want that for my kids. In fact, Mabel actually means "one who is loved."
I've only mentioned 3 mothers in this post but I hope every mother I know feels how much I appreciate them for what they do and what they've been through. (I'm thinking pregnancy and giving birth. Hello!) We need good mothers in this world and I'm happy to think that I know several of them.
We also love the aunts. Oh goodness do we love the aunts. It's amazing how every woman is a mother in her own way and we love them and appreciate them on this day as well.
So here is to the all the women in our lives that have given us love and guidance and good examples of what a virtuous woman is! Happy Mother's Day!
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| First Easter |
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| Aunt Kim |
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| My Mom and Aunt Martha |
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| Grandma Keele |
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| Aunt Naty |
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| Aunt Shannon |
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| Aunt Elise |
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Love Dad
"You should snuggle her if you have the chance. She will not be this little tomorrow." -Eric Keele March 20, 2011
Eric sent me this in an instant message. Mabel was in bed and I heard her sneeze. He's right. She will be bigger tomorrow. So I went and snuggled her and kissed her extra from her Daddy.
Eric sent me this in an instant message. Mabel was in bed and I heard her sneeze. He's right. She will be bigger tomorrow. So I went and snuggled her and kissed her extra from her Daddy.
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