I want a divorce (not from Eric)

I hope this doesn't offend anyone but I found some of it insightful and all of it hillarious. :)

I want a divorce
By John J. Wall


Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know, we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but, sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot, and will not ever agree on what is right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (you are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's, and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values... You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you we'll keep our history, our name, and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots, and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.



Sincerely, John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbra Streisand & Jane Fonda

Love Means Nothing in Tennis

This was our first Valentines that we've ever spent together and it was so great! Alas, I did not take any pictures but I'll do my best to describe it.
First, we slept in! Aw so nice. It had been a while. Then we headed out to Denny's for breakfast because we were both to lazy to cook anything. It was packed, by the way. I've never seen it so crowded! It was fun to sit together and wait though. I'm starting to really appreciate the times when we are forced to wait together because we just sit and hold hands and talk about nothing specific and it makes me feel reconnected every time. He really is my best friend.
Anyway, after breakfast we helped my parents go pick up a fridge for their basement. Well, Eric helped. I went for the same reason my mom went; to look at furniture. After getting that safely installed in my parents basement, I went to get some groceries. I grabbed a bottle of sparkling cidar (which I don't love but it's still awesome for holidays) and when I got back Eric had everything all set up!
He pulled our mattress into our front room and set it up. He also lit all the candles he could find (poor guy, I'm always moving stuff to places he can't find it) and he had ordered chineese food! I love chinese!
He hooked up our laptop to the TV and we played classic nintendo games and then watched Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. (Well the last half, we started it the night before but we are getting old or something because we fall asleep before finishing anything.) It was like a slumber party! Anyway, it was exactly what Valentines should be in my opinion.
Thank you for a great day Honey Buns! Love you!

*note: Eric did get me See's chocolates but we couldn't resist and we ate them the night before. We each get half of every one so we can be sure to taste everything.