I find myself becoming the best of myself but I've also noticed that I also become the worst of the self at the same time. Allow me to explain. The past few years of my life, I have spent trying to better myself. Be kind and friendly and not say mean or negative things, especially about other people. When I get with my friends, part of me reverts back to my high school self. I'm more spontanious and less responsible. I feel more relaxed and but I also say whatever comes into my head. My friends see this as a positive in me but sometimes I don't like it about myself. I can be witty but I can also be pretty ruthless when I'm trying to be funny. Maybe I'm still trying to impress my friends the same way my insercure high school self would.
My sisters Kim and Shannon are very good examples of being loving and non judgemental. I never realize how mean I am about other people and even myself until I am with them. I will make a coment like "Oh man, I'm so stupid, I just did the dumbest thing!" I don't really think I'm really stupid but it stops me short when Shannon says "Be nice, you are not!" Why do I think it's okay to be mean to myself?? I wouldn't let someone say that about my friend so why would I say it about myself? Or I will make a comment about someone's shirt that I find distaful for whatever reason and make a comment about it and Kim will defend them and say something about free choice and I'm sure they are a very nice person. Kim has always been my role model but when did my little sister get to be so kind? I want to be more like that and only think and say kind things. To always look for the good in people and always give the benefit of the doubt. No matter how someone treated me in high school, the grocery store, at work, ect...
Today, I want to just be the best version of me. Still fun and carefree but I want to reign in my insecure self. I love the postive influences in my life and I hope I can be a force for good. Wish me luck!
Senior Dinner Dance
3 comments:
I hear ya! I feel like I do kind of the same thing with my family...like I revert back to a younger and more immature me...it's quite frustrating. Live and learn I guess!
I love you. I'm sorry I didn't realize I was being critical of your comments. I probably just thought I was being funny.:)
You ARE a nice person. The world needs your gifts just as much as mine or Shannon's or any one else's.
You are a beautiful woman and patient, loving mother. I LOVE YOU!
I think you are really nice! Though I must admit I thought that Robin, Egypt girl, and Nameless were pretty funny in High School...
Anyway, yeah, we did a really good job when we all hung out :) Thanks for such a fun day. You are a good example to me, I think I am going to try to do this too!
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