I want a divorce (not from Eric)

I hope this doesn't offend anyone but I found some of it insightful and all of it hillarious. :)

I want a divorce
By John J. Wall


Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know, we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but, sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot, and will not ever agree on what is right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (you are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's, and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values... You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you we'll keep our history, our name, and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots, and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.



Sincerely, John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbra Streisand & Jane Fonda

Love Means Nothing in Tennis

This was our first Valentines that we've ever spent together and it was so great! Alas, I did not take any pictures but I'll do my best to describe it.
First, we slept in! Aw so nice. It had been a while. Then we headed out to Denny's for breakfast because we were both to lazy to cook anything. It was packed, by the way. I've never seen it so crowded! It was fun to sit together and wait though. I'm starting to really appreciate the times when we are forced to wait together because we just sit and hold hands and talk about nothing specific and it makes me feel reconnected every time. He really is my best friend.
Anyway, after breakfast we helped my parents go pick up a fridge for their basement. Well, Eric helped. I went for the same reason my mom went; to look at furniture. After getting that safely installed in my parents basement, I went to get some groceries. I grabbed a bottle of sparkling cidar (which I don't love but it's still awesome for holidays) and when I got back Eric had everything all set up!
He pulled our mattress into our front room and set it up. He also lit all the candles he could find (poor guy, I'm always moving stuff to places he can't find it) and he had ordered chineese food! I love chinese!
He hooked up our laptop to the TV and we played classic nintendo games and then watched Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. (Well the last half, we started it the night before but we are getting old or something because we fall asleep before finishing anything.) It was like a slumber party! Anyway, it was exactly what Valentines should be in my opinion.
Thank you for a great day Honey Buns! Love you!

*note: Eric did get me See's chocolates but we couldn't resist and we ate them the night before. We each get half of every one so we can be sure to taste everything.

The Healthy Game

Well, it's been a while since I've posted anything. I was holding off because I thought my Christmas blog should come frist but since it's February tomorrow I give up. I might still make a post with some good Christmas videos and pictures. There is some good stuff I think.
You might have heard Eric complain about it, but I've recently decided that I'm going to make a renewed effort at being more healthy. Before you get annoyed with me becaue I'm not technically "overweight" (I hear it from Eric everyday) I would like to have a chance to defend myself. There are several reasons that I've decided to get into this.
First, I have a whole stack of jeans in my closet (6 or 7 pair. No Joke) that I can't fit into and I'm tired of wearing the same pair of jeans just because I lack the self control to stop eating junk. I cann't justify speading the money on bigger clothes.
Second, I had been feeling very lathargic lately and I felt like I couldn't get enough sleep. I know I'm not pregnant and I sit on my butt all day at work so it has to be my eating and activity habits.
Third, a personal trainer here at work told me that I'm in the bottom 10% for strength (my endurance is in the TOP 10% in my defence)and painted a vivid picture for me discribing how when I'm 60 I will have to have help getting off the toliet. If that's not motivating I don't know what is.
And Lastly, since Eric is so busy with work and school I find I have a lot more free time lately so I was looking for a hobby. I figure this is the kind of thing I could spend a lot of time doing with researching, excersizing and planning meals and it would be benificial for both of us.
I would also like to state that I'm not doing this for Eric as I have been accused of but I don't think it would hurt him either. I'm trying to motivate him with out being pushy. So far he just thinks I'm crazy but he loves me anyway.
So I joined the Biggest Loser Club online. It's so handy! They make me a meal plan and shopping list for the weak and include yummy recipes. The website also made me an excersize program and I get to personalize.
Last week I lost 2 pounds but, unfortunately I gained one back because I over did it on Eric's birthday and on a trip to Tooele to visit Eric's grandparents (what a hoot!). My ultimate goal is to lose about 25 pounds to be back were I was when I graduated from high school but I would be happy with a 15 pound loss.
Some of my immediate results have been very encouraging. I feel like my energy level has gone much higher and it's more stable instead of spikes and valleys. My skin is clearing up from all the water I'm drinking and I'm proud of myself for working out. The endorphins make me happier and "happy people don't just shoot their husband."
There is a negative side effect though. I have to get up to go potty a billion times a day because of all the water I'm drinking.

It's a Race

This is just to let everyone know that I added the funniest video ever at the bottom of my blog. Enjoy. :)

Wedding Pictures

YAY!! Kalli finished our wedding and reception pictures! These are just a few I pulled off her photography blog. I will make a slide show soon but I wanted to get these up asap. :) Here is her blog if you want to see a few more of us and some amazing pictures she's done for other people. http://www.kallinasmithphotography.blogspot.com/

This Christmas I gave you my heart!

Merry Christmas!
I've never had time fly by so quickly! I'm using a cute advent calendar I received as a gift this year and every time I change the block I can't help but think "I just did this!"
Eric and I are so excited for our first Christmas together. We are all kinds of mushy and lovey dovey. Not that we aren't all the time but especially so this month. We love looking at our tree and having hot cocoa. I like the fireplace on more than Eric does. He thinks it's a waste of gas. And that's probably true if you are Scrooge but it's magical at Christmas time and it's worth every penny!
We were both pretty frustrated that most of our presents to eachother won't be surprises. It's hard when you only have one car and one bank account but we did our best! Actually, Eric is sure that I know what's under the tree for me but, honestly, I have a guess but I don't really know. So it's still really fun for me. :)
Our good friend, Kalli, gave us some good newlywed advice. She told us to take lots of pictures for the first everything. She said she and her husband (who celebrated their first Christmas last year) regretted not taking more pictures. I hope we are too lazy to get it out. We have trouble with that.
My sister Jen let me borrow her book called The Christmas Sweater by Glenn Beck and I read the whole thing last night. I highly recommend it!!

Have a good season!!

Happily Ever After

I was telling my friend the other day about the night Eric and I decided to get married and I thought maybe I should post it so I don't forget. Plus, it's cute and mushy so maybe ya'll would like to hear about it.

I was at Eric's apartment late one night (that happened a lot) and he was on the phone with me while I was driving home to make sure I didn't fall asleep and kill myself. We were having a fairly deep conversation but unfortunately I can't remember the details anymore. However, I do remember perfectly how he sounded when he said "maybe we should look at rings." I was about 2 minutes from home and I did an illegal U turn and headed the 20 minutes back to Provo.

When I got there, he was waiting for me on his porch. We were both grinning when I parked illegally and ran at him. He grabbed me and we just hugged and kissed and laughed for about 15 minutes. It really was late and I had to go home but this time there wasn't a chance I would fall asleep and I don't think I slept that night.

The next day I was waiting for Eric to get home from work and I decided to go look at dresses. I ended up buying the second one I tried on. With out my mom, my friends, my sisters or anyone's opinion. I loved it. Nobody even knew we were talking about marriage. (We had only been dating for 6 weeks.)

I couldn't believe it was real. That it was my turn to have my dreams come true. And Eric is my dream come true.

This was taken on my phone by the girl who helped me at the shop. I sent it to Eric. :)

Here's the back.
All before it was altered and ironed. :)